MEL

Nah, this is not a spoof on Charles Dickens or something. Just relating something that happened today and hopefully some of you may be kind enough to comment/advise.

Was supposed to have a project group outing today, after the other group members’ last paper. So the plan was to meet at Clementi at 12 noon for lunch after their paper ends. I thought that since the paper was supposed to end at 11am, they might not need such a long time to get to Clementi from school, so I arrived at 1130. Then I received a message about 1145 saying that the paper had ended late, I had to wait for them. Fair enough. Paper ending late is not their fault. It was a legitimate reason to be late so I just had to sit at the coffeeshop, order a drink and wait.

Then, at about 1210, another call. "We’ve decided to change the location of the meeting. We’re trying to hail a cab now to go to town. You just take the MRT and meet us in Orchard Rd OK? The train ride doesn’t really take that long lah, so it is definitely not a problem for you."

Well, first thing: Why change their minds at the last minute? Secondly: my opinion was not sought- I could either join them or go home (for the record I chose the latter) Third: I was supposed to be working but after one of them had persuaded me I had given up one day’s income just to join them. Fourth: Why ASSume that it was definitely not a problem for me to take the MRT to Orchard Rd by myself while they all went in a cab.

Well, the earlier points were not my biggest grudge. The thing is that I never really enjoyed the company of at least 2 people in this group because they are known to do stupid things like this, even in the course of doing project work. Turning up late for meetings then setting up at another place that was not the agreed location and insisting everyone else moved to their newly-chosen site although everyone else was punctual and had already started work at the previously-agreed location. But the thing I was most disappointed about was that a person I had always treated as my buddy in school was among them and apparently my rights were not brought up.

I don’t know, I may be committing the same mistake that the philosopher J.S. Mill had highlighted in one of his works: That we tend to judge and expect other people to behave like how we ourselves would behave. In other words that our judgements and expectations are based on our own arbitrary standards. That is why I am writing here to seek out opinions on what the rest of you would think and feel in such a situation.

For me in such a case, no matter who the person being played out is, I would have reminded everyone else that we had pre-agreed on a location and we should go there to meet that person first even if we want to go somewhere else after that. We owe that obligation to him, who made an effort to turn up on time. It is just not fair that we all took a cab and tell him to make his own way down on his own.

If it were a good friend or a buddy, I would be even more proactive in that. if the rest really insisted on going somewhere else without meeting up with him at the stipulated place first, I would tell them to go ahead while I went to meet him at his location. Then we would decide there whether it is worth our time to go meet up with those people who have no respect for other people or we just found some alternative source of entertainment. That is what I would do, and I think what I would expect of my good friends. Is it unreasonable?

Well to be fair to her, I think she does not have any bad intentions. It was not deliberate I think (or hope?). I think one of her biggest weaknesses is that she is overly conflict-avoiding. If she had done what I would have done she would have run the risk of getting into an argument with the rest of the group. She is one person I know who avoids such situations at all costs. I am more thick-skinned, and like I have said before, I am past caring what most people think about me. Only that few people matter to me nowadays and for those few people I am willing to go to such lengths for them, including standing by them at the cost of my relationship with other not-so-important people.

So that is her weakness. It is not a fault, because it is not intentional. It is just perhaps she lacks the courage to stand the ground for a cause or for a good friend (or maybe I’m not her good friend?) because I have noticed that such things have happened before. She seems to want to give herself reasons to agree with whoever is speaking at the moment to avoid conflicts. So in private she can agree with what a group of "friends" say and later she will agree with another group on things which are obviously in conflict. This way she makes herself appear hypocritical, though I know it is not her intention to.

Well the point here is that I’m beginning to wonder if she is really reliable and should I continue to trust her like how I would a buddy? Like I said, I believe she is a nice person with good intentions in general, but her weakness makes it hard for me to trust her in a figurative "life-and-death" situation. Because I know it would be very hard for her to find the courage to put her foot down and stand her ground and stick with her friends. The loyalty comes into question. What should I do about such a friend?

On the other hand, another school buddy of mine saved the day by offering to keep me company upon hearing of my plight. She was having a facial near my place and although she was reluctant to show her face after facial, she offered to jio me out for dinner and then accompany her to town to run some errands. That is a good buddy, because I know for women to show their faces in public right after facial is a sacrifice. Wanna say a big thanks to this buddy here who has shown me time and again that she can be counted on when I need someone. Of course there is also The Wife, but she is even more than a buddy…

Talking about reliability, this reminds me of the James Bond movie. But this is a sufficiently long post, so I shall continue another time…

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 7th, 2006 at 7:31 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.