MEL

Found this in my email, courtesy of my army buddy Tengyuan. Have a good laugh!

Comprehending Engineers - Take One
>> >
>> >Two engineering students were walking across campus when
>>one asked, "Where
>> >did you get such a great bike?"
>> >
>> >The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along
>>yesterday minding
>> >my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this
>>bike. She threw the
>> >bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
>>"Take what you want."
>> >
>> >The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the
>>clothes wouldn’t
>> >have fit anyway."
>> >
>> >Lesson: Don’t bother to drop even the most obvious hint,
>>they can’t catch
>> >it anyway.
>> >(This is a reality! If you don’t believe, test them!)
>> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>> >
>> >Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
>> >
>> >To the optimist, the glass is half full.
>> >
>> >To the pessimist, the glass half empty.
>> >
>> >To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to
>>be.
>> >
>> >Lesson: There is no philosophy to talk about but
>>calculations and
>> >calculations…
>> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>> >
>> >Comprehending Engineers - Take Three
>> >
>> >A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one
>>morning for a
>> >particularly slow group of golfers.
>> >
>> >The engineer fumed, "What’s with these guys? We must have
>>been waiting for
>> >15 minutes!"
>> >
>> >The doctor chimed in, "I don’t know, but I’ve never seen
>>such ineptitude."
>> >
>> >The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s
>>have a word
>> >with him. Hi John. Say, what’s with that group ahead of
>>us? They’re rather
>> >slow, aren’t they?"
>> >
>> >The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that’s a group of
>>blind firefighters.
>> >They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
>>last year, so we
>> >always let them play for free anytime."
>> >
>> >The group was silent for a moment.
>> >
>> >Then the pastor said, "That’s so sad I think I will say a
>>special prayer
>> >for them tonight."
>> >
>> >The doctor said, "Good idea. And I’m going to contact my
>>ophthalmologist
>> >buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them."
>> >
>> >The engineer, after much thought said, "Why can’t these
>>guys play at night?"
>> >
>> >Lesson: No emotions please, only practicality works here.
>> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>> >
>> >Comprehending Engineers - Take Four
>> >
>> >What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and
>>Civil Engineers?
>> >
>> >Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build
>>targets.
>> >
>> >Lesson: They build and build and build and build… to
>>compliment one
>> >another.
>> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>> >
>> >Comprehending Engineers - Take Five
>> >
>> >Three engineering students were gathered together
>>discussing the possible
>> >designers of the human body.
>> >
>> >One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all
>>the joints."
>> >
>> >Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The
>>nervous system has
>> >many thousands of electrical connections."
>> >
>> >The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else
>>would run a
>> >toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
>> >
>> >Lesson: All of them have their own theories. None for
>>believing!
>> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>> >
>> >Comprehending Engineers -Take Six
>> >
>> >Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix
>>it.
>> >
>> >Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have
>>enough features
>> >yet."
>> >
>> >Lesson: They are complicated and twisted.
>> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>> >
>> >Comprehending Engineers - Take Seven
>> >
>> >An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing
>>whether it was
>> >better to spend time with a wife or a mistress.
>> >
>> >The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building
>>a solid
>> >foundation for an enduring relationship.
>> >
>> >The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
>>of the passion
>> >and mystery he found there.
>> >
>> >The engineer said, "I like both."
>> >
>> >"Both?"
>> >
>> >"Yeah," replied the engineer. "If you have a wife and a
>>mistress, they
>> >will each assume you are spending time with the other
>>woman, and you can
>> >go to the lab and get some work done."
>> >
>> >Lesson: Gals, NEVER fall for an engineer!!!
>> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>> >
>> >Comprehending Engineers - Take Eight
>> >
>> >An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called
>>out to him and
>> >said, "If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful
>>princess."
>> >
>> >He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
>> >
>> >The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn
>>me back into a
>> >beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
>> >
>> >The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it
>>and returned it
>> >to the pocket.
>> >
>> >The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back
>>into a beautiful
>> >princess I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
>> >
>> >Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put
>>it back into
>> >his pocket.
>> >
>> >Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I’ve told
>>you I’m a
>> >beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and
>>do anything you
>> >want. Why won’t you kiss me?"
>> >
>> >The engineer said, "Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have
>>time for a
>> >girlfriend, but a TALKING frog, now that’s cool!"
>> >
>> >Lesson: Once again, gals, NEVER fall for an engineer!!!!

The new sem began today for me. Kinda got off to a slow start; still in the holiday/sales mood… The 3pm-6pm lesson was unbearable, with the cool, rainy and sleep-inducing weather and the dry lesson going on. Poyi, Qin and I took turns to nod off…

Oh wells, what to do? Have to bear with all that, just for THAT piece of paper. That piece, which, in my interpretation, implies all these:

                                             ~   THE PAPER   ~

This piece of paper, which costs the bearer approximately $40,000 in related costs (and which otherwise costs maybe about 4 cents and is probably made of recycled paper anyway) certfies that:

Mr/Ms (circle whichever is applicable) ______________________ (insert name here) has dutifully paid his/her school fees for the past 3/4/5/Others:__________ (please state number of years) years and physically attended lessons in NUS. Despite having fallen asleep on numerous lessons or simply not paying attention while in the class, he/she has happened to pass the required number of exams (possibly with the number of attempts exceeding the number passed) to qualify as a graduated student. In order to justify the continued existence of our University we therefore encourage you to hire him/her in your organisation in whichever position that he/she is applying for, even though there is a high chance that the position is totally unrelated to the above-mentioned’s course of study- and that you are better off employing a less-qualified but equally clueless person at a lower salary.

In case you have to better justify your decision to employ the bearer of this certificate, here are a list of qualities that the above-mentioned has probably picked up in his/her course of existence in NUS that may equip him/her with skills that might prove useful during the course of employment:

1) Ability to cope with crazy amounts of work from up to 6 different bosses, each thinking the person only has to do 1 set of assigned work only.

2) Able to do the above within an unreasonable amount of time & miraculously meeting deadlines each time.

3) Ability to perform points 1) & 2) in the group situation, even though the PRCs in the team usually do not complete their own share of the work, choosing to selfishly just concern themselves with individual assignments or mugging for exams and consequently getting the best grades while the above-mentioned gets "2nd class" grades despite putting more much more effort for group assignments.

4) The ability to suffer in silence and not complain too much even though treated unfairly (refer to point 3). Likely to also just bear with it when faced with unreasonable bosses/co-workers.

5) High level of tolerance for low pay and meaningless work. Refer to testimonial/documents relating to Internship experience.

6) Resourceful- Able to keep taking the brunt of perpetually; and exponentially, rising costs (eg school fees, transport fees, canteen food prices, parking charges, project budgets etc) even without a regular source of income. Therefore unlikely to be excessively adversely affected if owed salaries or have CPF contributions/wages/employee benefits etc reduced.

7) Expert at following instructions to the letter, and not question authority. Proven by more than 15 years in the education system. Will not argue because seem to be lacking a mind of his/her own.

Able to analyse and dissect ridiculous amounts of information and reports. Practised with readings for up to 6 modules each semester.

9) Last but not least, ability to predict winning 4D numbers. Shown by shrewd guesswork in MCQ tests.

Thank you for your time in reading this piece of paper. We hope that you have been CONvinced to employ the above-mentioned after perusing this piece of paper, so that we may continue to claim high rates of employment for our graduates.

                                                 ~   End of PAPER   ~

OK, just some nonsense from me again, while I’m still in the mood for it. Probably not anymore once school work piles up again.

And by the way, an appeal to anyone who may happen to read my blog. Please take a look at this link and sign up can? Show some love lah, since my friends are all not willing to do me that favour. Will be very grateful as I really am almost there to getting my cheque. Thanks lots!

The writer would like to reassure anyone reading this posting that the above (except for the link) was written in jest and no offence is intended. If anyone feels offended you may choose not to see this. Alternatively if any parties concerned is unable to see the humour in this & feels extremely offended, please leave a comment and I would remove your name or remove the posting. Relak ah!

Alright, ladies and gentlemen, I have just uploaded more pictures in my photo album. Such a shame that Friendster has a limit of 50 pictures each month. Anyway here is the link to my laopo’s photo album as well. We have decided not to repeat the pictures so that collectively we can display more with the limit. Feel free to take a look in her album as well!

By the way, please show some love and visit this link below k? If you could, sign up and I will really appreciate it! Hehe… I think it’s a genuine thing, no shit. After all I’m already working hard on it…

http://www.emailcashpro.com/?r=juvefan39

OK, have a good week everyone. Remember to visit that and sign up if you believe in me! After all you don’t have to pay anything so there’s nothing to lose…