MEL

OK, it’s official: my dumping ground has been finalised. During the IT Fair from 1-4 June I will be stationed at the Panasonic A/V booth. So if anyone wants to buy TV; Home Theatre System; DVD Player; DVD Recorder etc can come look for me k? Can also come and say Hi if you are just passing by of course!

Oh well, have a great weekend ahead people! Hehe any offers to help me da bao meals when you visit the IT Fair will definitely be very welcome!   :P

The writer is glad that finally his deployment at the fair has been decided, after having gone through 4 changes. Is it supposed to be true what some of his fellow colleagues have been saying, that Tekmedia is getting more disorganised nowadays and also starting to take staff for granted? Well we shall see…

Anyway he also has plans to take a xiao lao po, but the dowry etc will burst his budget. Also another obstacle is that the da lao po is jealous and does not really approve… He is in a dilemma…

OK, IT Fair 1-4 June. If you want cheap stuff like networking stuff (ie modems/routers etc etc); Computer speakers; MP3 Players; Fixed line phones etc, come and look for me at the Shiro/Aztec booth. Get your friends to come along too if anyone is interested.

Also if you are going on a holiday sometime soon, remember to check the currency exchange rates with me before you get it from your neighbourhood money changer. I can give you better rates for certain currencies! Subject to availability so act fast!

-Lobang King

Here are some stuff you probably have not seen in the local newspapers. Not bad right? We’re ranked 83rd most democratic country, out of a total of 150. Most important of all, we are a grand total of three ranks above North Korea! Almost first world! Check out the Press Freedom index too! You can now rest assured our papers always tell you what there is to know, like the existence of this list.

Please ignore the fact that we are classifed in the lowest division on the list, and below Indonesia- the country which has just "recovered" from a dictatorship less than a decade ago. These international assessors always talk nonsense with regards to certain rankings, especially when they don’t understand the Asian context, according to what we always here the government say. Whichever ranking to trust, the government will tell you. Those you are not supposed to trust, they even do you a favour by not even telling you about them! Such considerate dears…

For example for this ranking, please trust only the one on the extreme right column, the rest are nonsense although they are published together. Also when the international assessors say we have the best airport etc, please believe them! Here the misgivings about taking the rankings seriously does not apply.

Ok better stop now. Prison got no broadband. Budden on the other hand, the list is not true right? I am supposed to be allowed to exercise my right to free speech because our first world government has said they will encourage it? Confused? You are not alone…

Do not drink and drive- this is a oft-repeated message from our Traffic Police. But do not drink and fly? Well this fly in the picture (left) had to learn it the hard way.

According to sources, this unidentified fly while fly-ing (no pun intended) to an unknown location, had decided to stop for a drink to quench his thirst before continuing on his journey. However on Tuesday night, instead of stopping for a beer or a soda or a Milo-peng; as most people (not sure about flies) do, he decided to steal a sip of Black-label whisky. After promptly knocking himself out, he probably found himself floating in the sewers the next morning with a terrible hangover.

An eye-witness who declined to be identified, accounted," KNN! I had just mixed my Whisky with a bunch of other nonsense, getting ready a drink to keep myself warm on a cold night, when this fella decided to take a sip for himself too! I had only taken a few sips before that lor! Want to drink never mind lah, but drink already siam lah! What for drink liao then knock out inside the drink? It’s damn unhygienic leh! At least go somewhere else and sleep mah!"

It was revealed that soon after the interviewee had emptied the contents of his mug into the toilet. Just for the record he stuck to plain water after that. Continuing in the interview Mr M (Identity of the witness is disguised to protect his identity) proceeded to add on:

"Stupid hor xin! At least wait for me to almost finish the drink then jump in lah! I just make not long only want to minum my Whisky, then after that mau mandi somemore! Really too much leh! Waste my Whisky only! Not say I want to say lah, but the hor xin should zi dong mah… Nowadays with Bird Flu, don’t go around saboh people lah!"

When reminded by the reporter that a fly is an insect, not a bird, Mr M had this to say," Aiyah same lah. Fly here fly there is the same one lah! Bird fly, hor xin also fly, sama sama lah. Anyway nows-aday hor, you never know lah. Last time cow kena, become gila. Then the pig also kena. Then now the duck, chicken etc all also catch cold. Who knows what the hor xin can spread? Aids? Mosquito also got the what thing fever and Malaria right?"

Deciding to put an end to the interview, this reporter decided to call an end to it in order not to waste anymore of anybody’s time. However, true to the spirit of a professional con-man, Mr M insisted on having the last word:

"Tell you lah, I think the hor xin was flying towards my neighbour’s house to visit relative lah. Those PRC pests who only know how to make people damn du lan, this fly must be their cousin or something. But being stupid, he decided to stop on transit and ended up being too drunk for take off. Wonder if the same trick can work on those FUCKING PRCs next door. Maybe next time I try lah! Make them drunk then flush them down the toilet bowl… Then next time we drink the newater got hor xin flavour sia!"

In related news, Chinese Medicinal Halls around the island reported spikes in their sales of Medicated Wines with lizards and a host of other weird stuff inside. They have been looking for new sources to meet the sudden increase in demand.

Reported by Lim Zhui Ho,
The States Times

Hehe wanna say a HUGE THANK YOU to Poyi, who just returned from Taiwan, and brought back goodies for me! Hehe…

Dunno if she- or anyone at all, for that matter, reads my blog, because never seen her comments here nor heard her talking about anything posted. Anyway Poyi, if you do see this, Thank you very the much ah! Treat you dinner at Ubin on Friday!

Oh yes, if anyone does read my blog, please tell me if got any temp job lobangs k? Seems Tekmedia is running out of assignments for me, and I do kinda regret turning down the offer from PowerHub in Bugis. Somehow feel that I should have given it more serious consideration when they asked me to stop working for Tekmedia and jump ship to work for them instead on a more regular basis than Tekmedia’s ad hoc and unpredictable (sometimes unattainable) assignments. Seems that sometimes loyalty does not always pay after all…

Oh well… Anyway more nonsense here, and in "Related News". Enjoy!

The writer is seeking kakis to take IPPT together with him sometime in June or July. Since he’s broke but with lots of time on his hands, he is aiming to get another $200 of government money by trying to get that Silver for IPPT. Oh yes, anyone interested to go travelling in end July can also contact him. He has recently been played out for his Malaysia self-drive trip in end July and he does not enjoy it a single bit. He is now seeking out alternative plans…

Hehe 7 blog postings without any comments… This will probably be number 8! To reward all you people for being so cooperative, this is something for you. Sorry for anyone who might not understand Chinese…

Tried to take a picture of some cockster who was smoking while driving. He was driving with his right hand sticking out of the window, holding on a cigarette and puffing away at "opportune" moments. This picture was taken when I stopped behind him at a traffic light. Unfortunately although his offending hand can be seen, the cigarette could not be seen clearly in this picture. Is this an excuse for me to upgrade my mobile phone? Hehe…

Anyway wonder if this constitutes an offence under the traffic laws, the smoking while driving, that is… After all we’re told if you drink don’t drive. So if you smoke, can you drive as well?

Maybe we could suggest that the law stated that if somebody wants to smoke while driving, he should do so with his windows up and aircon on. This may help us end up with cleaner roads, since we don’t get inconsiderate people like that one in the picture conveniently flicking the cigarette ash on the ground…

This is sibeh funny! Must take a look! The comments section also damn funny!

http://www.mrbrown.com/blog/2006/05/mr_tur_kwa_the_.html#comments

http://www.mrbrown.com/blog/2006/05/the_mrbrown_tur.html#comments

Just realised I’m on course for a record: The longest run of postings without garnering any comments… Hehe. Anyway, something for you guys:

http://www.talkingcock.com/html/article.php?sid=1944&mode=thread&order=0

http://www.talkingcock.com/html/article.php?sid=1942&mode=thread&order=0

Back. Saw something very interesting in my email today, sent to me by John. Take a look. Pretty touching, & makes us take a step back and think about how we lead our lives. Something refreshing post-elections :

It was sent by a medical doctor - Make sure to read what is in the closing statement AFTER THE POEM.

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids

On a merry-go-round?

Or listened to the rain

Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight?

Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.

Don’t dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won’t last.

Do you run through each day

On the fly?

When you ask How are you?

Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done

Do you lie in your bed

With the next hundred chores

Running through your head?

You’d better slow down

Don’t dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won’t last.

Ever told your child,

We’ll do it tomorrow?

And in your haste,

Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,

Let a good friendship die

Cause you never had time

To call and say,"Hi"

You’d better slow down.

Don’t dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won’t last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere

You miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,

It is like an unopened gift….

Thrown away.

Life is not a race.

Do take it slower

Hear the music

Before the song is over.

——————–

FORWARDED

E-MAILS ARE TRACKED TO OBTAIN THE TOTAL COUNT.

Dear All:

PLEASE pass this mail on to ever yone you know -

even to those you don’t know!

It is the request of a special girl who

will soon leave this world d ue to cancer.

This young girl has 6 months left to live, and as her dying wish,

She wanted to send a letter telling everyone to live

their life to the fullest, since she never will.

She’ll never make it to prom, graduate from high

school, or get married and have a family of her own.

By you sending this to as many people as possible,

you can give her and her family a little hope,

Alright, first let me make this clear- for me P-Day stands for P*lling Day. Just didn’t want to state it in full so that my blog won’t appear on any search engines when people search for anything related! If there are still other people who wish to exercise their creativity and make the P stand for something else, well you are free to do what you please, but do not assume that I intend it in any other way.

Well, in case any of those people who are casting their v*tes tomorrow happen to be reading this in the hope of getting some inspiration to help in decision-making, let me first tell you that it is a very wrong move! Very very wrong! Please do not take me seriously and please do not let me influence your v*te! After all, the powers that be have already deprived me of my chance to influence anything.

Well just some words of advice: After you enter the venue & marked your choice, OK, let’s talk about this first… Somehow, this might be counter-intuitive for most of us, especially with our education system. Mark a CROSS beside the candidate(s) that you would prefer to represent you in parliament, ie the one that you WANT! Please do not mistakenly think that the cross is supposed to indicate which party you DO NOT WANT. Somehow this is the preferred method of marking choices, and I do not understand why. Probably as always, there must be some rationale behind the actions and policies of our gahmen, even if they have not explained because our puny brains might not be able to take the level of enlightenment. Anyway if it is still too complicated, it has been stated that you can simply use a TICK instead, as proposed by an opposition party. Makes more sense now?

OK next, the important part: After marking either the cross or tick, please remember to put your P Card into the box! Yes, I know, there might be journalists armed with cameras and voice recorders etc observing and filming and snapping pictures of the process of your casting of v*tes, but PLEASE DO NOT BE DISTRACTED. Yes, they might be snapping pictures or asking to interview you or whatever, but please get your priorities right- your purpose of being there is to put that card into tat box. Anything else comes later! Otherwise the consequences will be grave…

You will have your pictures splashed all over newspapers (maybe even the orbituary section later); have 3 full pages dedicated to putting you down; have everyone (well not everyone actually, although the papers will make it seem that way) crtiticising you for not being responsible and questioning your integrity and ignoring any other more constructive things you say; see yourself on TV more often than you see Fann Wong (mainly on some CCTV footage) etc. Basically our whole life, since the day you were born, just seems to revolve around that few minutes, and the media will disregard anything else that you have said, done, will do etc…

So you have been made aware… But please note, the ruling party has no hand in this, because recently a very senior leader in the party had gone on TV (remember that one hour when that bimbo sitting in the front has wasted an entire nation’s time asking silly and incoherent questions, and displaying her ignorance?) to clarify that his party has not instructed the media to exercise any self-censorship with regards to reporting news putting his party in an unfavourable light or casting his opponents in a favourable light? Well he has clarified, so don’t anyhow say ah, later kena sue! Anyway if the media choses to show their love and support for his party, it is basically something beyond his control.

OK going off liao. Really glad that my boycott of the "official media" is coming to an end soon. Take care!   ;)